Hi I am dating and relationship coach Kate Junwald. My mission is to help women succeed in relationships and meet and marry their Mr. Right. I do that by helping you date with self esteem and avoid man pain! access my quiz--do you irritate your guy without knowing? He wishes we wouldn’t talk so much Unfortunate but true. This is not all women and all men, but it’s likely that as a woman we are more verbal than our husband. He probably wouldn’t have married us if we talked w-a-a-a-a-a-a-y more then he could handle. However, have we ever heard of a husband tell his wife that he wishes she’d talk more? No. We haven’t. Try adding in long gaps of silence during car rides or at dinner and see what happens. It may lead to better conversation, or even proclamations of love. Be that demure, mysterious girl he went on a first date with. Definitely keep a smile on your face in your silence, otherwise he may think he’s in trouble with the silent treatment if he’s not used to it! He wishes it were enough that he married us rather than having to romance us too. Any husband who loves his wife genuinely feels inspired to buy her flowers and/or jewelry from time to time. But many of us can’t get enough of that type of thing, and for some of us, it doesn’t happen often enough. We should not tell him we need him to buy us more flowers though. Instead, we need to look the best we can, act like the girl he used to date, be pleasant, and buy ourselves flowers if we have to. In fact, it’s good to do at least one thing we enjoy just for ourselves each day so we don’t look to him all the time to make us happy and to validate his love for us. The less we ask for, the more we will probably get. He wishes we knew that our diet talk bores him ... and that you do NOT look fat in those jeans; OK maybe you do, but obviously he’s not going to say that. Many of us after we get married put on a few pounds. If he loves us so much that he married us, he is probably not even going to notice a few pounds. OK he may notice it, but he loves us, so it’s not a big deal. What is a big deal is our being chronically unhappy about our body and talking negatively about ourselves all the time. Also, we start covering ourselves up in his presence, so he never gets to see his naked wife ever! What’s a guy to do? Some of us have put on a lot of weight and are desperately struggling to take it off. Of course we should try to look fairly close to a version of the woman he married, so we should give that our all to look like that woman. In the meantime though, we need to be nice, look as good as we can anyway, and quit disparaging ourselves. It not like it helps us look better when we do that anyway right? He wishes you knew that he has emotions too ...and he’d appreciate it if you tried not to hurt his feelings, especially when you are upset with him. Most of us women like to think that men don’t have feelings. It’s not that they don’t have feelings, it’s that they prefer not to show them, generally speaking. If we know something gets on his nerves or if he is sensitive about something, then we should be kind and try to avoid whatever that is. We should respect his viewpoint, or at least act like we do, even if it doesn’t make sense to us. We should also ask for his opinion on things and treat it like it counts. Men are just as sensitive as women even if we don’t think they are. When we are upset, we should avoid any kind of name calling, direct criticism of who he is, and especially screaming. We think men are tough and can handle this, but it’s just as upsetting to him as it would be to us. If we are PMSing, we need to work extra hard to be sweet and kind. We should avoid blaming our behavior on that even if it plays a role.He wishes you knew he loves it when you get a little domestic and cook for him. He craves that domestic woman who will feed him once in a while Women who cook dinner for their family every night don’t have to read this one. But for the many women who work so hard with job and kids and just don’t have the energy to do that, it’s something to consider. Once a month perhaps we can take care of him in this way. Put the kids with a sitter, cook his favorite meal, look nice, be sweet, and get him a beer. Don’t let him clean up a single dish. If we are resentful at our husband because they never do much around the house, we should try to remember the day he proposed to us and we said “yes.” We were excited that he was proposing and we loved him enough to say “yes.” This is just a nice way to act towards the man that deserved that response. He will surely pay us back somehow also. He wishes you knew that the main thing he really cares about in life is that you are happy Men have this thing going on that women don’t and that is that our happiness is his #1 priority (if he is the kind of man we should have married in the first place). So one thing he wishes we knew is that he wants us to be happy and not complain about anything or anyone. If he takes us out to a nice restaurant and we criticize the service or the food, as a man, he experiences this very personally, as if he didn’t succeed in making us happy and therefore failed as a male human. To avoid this, we should try to be positive as much as possible. We need to practice smiling and saying nothing. Sign up for more blog posts like these. Check out my courses on dating, marriage, and relationships. Wishing you love and happiness, Kate Junwald www.katejunwald.com