Many of us have experienced a male who won’t commit and it’s incredibly frustrating and also a real confidence zapper. A guy may even tell us that he has a “problem with commitment” (and we keep dating him why??). However, guys can and do commit if they come across a woman who dates with self-esteem. It all comes down to the way a woman acts, especially in the early stages of a relationship. Ladies, please spare yourself any more of that man pain and date with self-esteem OK? OK! Register for my free live webinar "Dating with self esteem" August 2nd, 2017, 12PM EDT Here are 6 things that make a guy commit: 1. You let him initiate the relationship In this day and age where it’s considered OK for women to ask men out, it may seem old fashioned to wait for the guy to do it, but we must, or we will likely end up with a guy who doesn’t want to commit. A man may be flattered if we ask him out. He may even tell us this (so don’t bother asking him). But unless a guy goes into hunter mode when he sees us, stalks us from across the room, comes up to us, asks for our number, and calls us within a day or so to ask us out, it ain’t supposed to happen. This is biology. It has nothing to do with morals, feminism or anything else. Man must pursue woman or it will all go wonky. The same goes for online dating. A man must select our profile; we should not select his profile and reach out to him first. Again, there will be women reading this who think this is ridiculous. “I mean I own my own company or I’m a [insert prestigious job title here], why can’t I ask a man out?” Well you can. But if you want a committed guy rather than one who is on the fence, let him do the asking. If you never get asked out, put your best pic and a short, sensible profile on eHarmony and let the games begin. 2. You give him enough room to pursue you Assuming a guy has asked you out, you then want to let things unfold naturally. There are a strict set of Rules that say that you shouldn’t ever text or call a guy first and you should avoid texting him endlessly and staying on the phone for hours. These Rules are fabulous. If you haven’t already, PLEASE read them. Again, don’t expect a guy to realize this or to pace the relationship. He will be all about it in the beginning--until he’s not. By giving a guy space (whether he wants it or not), you will give him room to pursue you and he will likely have no problem committing later on. This effect will continue later on after you get married also. If you act this way in the beginning of a relationship, a man will always see you as his dream girl even once you are married. He will follow you around the house trying to steal kisses, and he will even listen when you talk to him (most of the time—let’s not exaggerate!). 3. You don’t bring up marriage or want to “have a talk” Paradoxically, women who want commitment the most are the least likely to get it. By contrast, women who couldn’t care less about getting married and see themselves as having endless options in the man department typically have men eating out of their hand. A dear friend of mine is one of those women (if you are reading this, you know who you are), and that is what she experiences. For us lesser mortals, we should just try to act as if. If we desperately want to get married, first of all, we should accept that about ourselves, because there is NOTHING wrong with wanting a life partner, marriage, the whole nine yards. Most single women do. We just mustn’t lead with this on dates as it turns men off. In fact, we should try never to bring it up, the reason being that he will propose regardless of whether we bring it up, and he’s more likely to propose if we don’t. I literally never brought up marriage, the future or anything like that with my now husband, and we got married two years after the first date. This was not natural for me either—I was definitely acting “as if.” But it still worked. So, just try never talking about commitment or where the relationship is going. It won’t help if you do anyway. If you have been dating a guy for over a year or more, and you want marriage, you can ONE TIME, after a year or more of dating, ask him what his intentions are. If he hems and haws, then you have your answer. It’s time to stop all contact and move on. Maybe he will show up on your doorstep with a ring, but maybe he won’t. I hear you saying, “But I loooooove him!” Well, he might love you too, but not that much, or he would propose. He knows this too. Remember, he’s the same guy who would have no problem proposing to some other woman he is crazy about. 4. You have your own life and can take care of yourself A man wants to feel that he is with a woman who can take care of herself, one that doesn’t have to be with him all the time, but chooses to be with him.  Even after we get married, we need our own interests, hobbies, and life goals. Men love busy women—even when they are married to them. What starts with never calling or texting him first in the early stages of a relationship, morphs after marriage into never calling him at work and trying not to bother him. So really, this requirement to be independent never really ends. We need to be able to go for hours or even days filling up our own time and being perfectly content with that, whether we are single or married. A healthy man, the type of man we want, is going to have his own interests and friends and sometimes we will be on our own because of it. He needs to feel he has that freedom before he can commit.  5. You’re easygoing Even the smartest man aggravates the crap out of their woman once in a while. It’s usually not on purpose either. Throw in a little PMS or stress, and you have a volatile situation that can derail even the best relationship. The occasional heated disagreement is a normal part of being in a relationship. However, if we have a scary arguing style that involves scathing personality attacks, histrionics, screaming, name calling, or going for days without talking, then we should not expect a commitment out of our guy. If a man doesn’t see us as his safe place to fall, then he ain’t going to be falling near us any time soon. We can feel any way we want to feel, but some of us women need to tone things down when it comes to expressing our emotions. It’s not like the louder we scream, the more inclined he is to agree with us anyway. Try calming down if you want a commitment. Yes men have emotions too, and they commit to women they feel safe with. 6. You are pretty hot, or at least he thinks so. This should probably be up at the top of the list as far as men are concerned! This isn’t about being a supermodel; it’s about us being his type and continuing to make our best effort to look as good as we can, whatever that is for us. He needs to be attracted to us specifically, which is why he needs to pick us out first and pursue us. If he prefers petite brunettes and we happen to be a tall blonde, there is literally nothing we can do to be his type and we shouldn’t even try. But if a guy chose us initially, and we continue to look as good as we can, this will be good for the commitment—initial and ongoing.  Good luck ladies. Remember, WE have the power. We simply move on from any guy who isn’t truly interested in us! Are you aggravated that your guy won’t commit? Schedule a free 15-minute consult with me, and I will give you some ideas for action that you can take. Register for my free live webinar "Dating with self esteem" August 2nd, 2017, 12PM EDT Will last approximately 1 hour    As you follow along on your computer, we'll:    Review how to date with self esteem     Compare and contrast different online dating sites    Create an appropriate online dating profile you can use immediately     Choose an effective screen name     Describe the best pictures to post     Learn how to respond so that you end up on an actual date rather than texting back and forth    Review a strategic 90-day plan of action to meet your Mr. Right Wishing you love and happiness, Kate :)